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Saturday, August 3, 2013

Time Capsule

I've gotten cocky. I already KNOW I'm going to get where I've been trying to get all my life. I'm at the point where it's just a matter of when and how. But before this unbreakable confidence set in and matured into facts, I was a sheltered, super weird, mixed black girl from suburbia who grew up around more Italians than her own kind that had a strong will to dream. I was hungry. Don't get it twisted, I still am. Back then, though? I was STARVING.

 Listen to my time capsule of the moment after the jump.
Now, I've gotten out into the world, checked off some goals and dreams off my list, put some stepping stones into place, and just LIVED. With that being said, sometimes I forget how far I've come.

When that happens, it's time to turn to my life soundtrack.
You know, those songs that are like time capsules for you and replay your feelings, emotions, thoughts, and remind you of what events you endured when that song came out/you use to listen to it. These songs bring me back to the starvation and remind me that I can't let that teenage girl stuck in her room/a close-minded town dreaming about what's in the world and simply MAKING IT,  down.

Today's time capsule is dated back to my freshman year of high school. 14. In the midst of all the trials and tribs of puberty. Oh woe. But most importantly, this was when I really started to accept my beauty. This was when I really started to get attention from the opposite sex. And with that, came the haters. Back then, I couldn't comprehend why anyone could hate/be jealous of someone because of their God given beauty and the uncontrollable attention they received. I didn't see it this way at all, I thought something HAD to be wrong with me. "Why else would they hate me?" "They don't even know me..." I was super self-conscious. I thought everyone else was normal, perfect, and fine. It didn't occur to me that we all was going through the same bs...

Then, I heard Kanye's "All Falls Down". This song struck so many chords. But more significantly, it responded to my self-sciousness. It felt like a whole new world opened up to me when I heard sir West, a cocky, materialistic RAPPER, say, "We're all self-consious, I'm just the first to admit it." And with that, my self-image began to heal and my cockiness began to grow....(because I was cocky as FUCK my freshman year of high school. You couldn't tell me SHIT because I KNEW I was the shit). This mindset went away on hiatus for a while after freshman year but has recently raised it's sexy ass head. This was the mindset that created my base in believing in and KNOWING my dreams would come true. This is the mindset that will now get me farther than the finish line.


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